Balancing Act- Friends with Kids

Since I reached that weird milestone of 30, I’ve really noticed how much my friend circle has changed in the last few years. I’ve kept a few close friends since high school, added some new ones along the way, and gotten rid of most of the crazy ones. But I think what has really changed the most is watching close friends start families. Getting married, buying a house, and having a baby is the American Dream right? Possibly. For some. For me, that’s never been the dream I dream of while lying in bed at night. Kids honestly freak me out. And the thought that I have to hang on to the little shit for at least 18 years, and make sure that he doesn’t turn on to be a psychopath is extremely daunting. But for a lot of my friends, kids were never not an option. I think that’s wonderful to know exactly how you feel about them, and then have them when you’re ready. For some friends it was easy. They tried and became pregnant. Some had to try a little longer. I even have some friends that desperately want kids, but aren’t in relationships and would rather wait until Prince Charming comes along to start the process. But whatever the case may be, we can all agree that the times, they are a’changing.

Five years ago, my weekends were filled with fun nights out, late night trips to Taco Bell, and wedding showers. The weekends have now turned into, fun nights out, no late night food (it gives my old ass heart burn now) and baby showers. Instead of spending money and vacation days on throwing Couple’s Showers and Bachelorette Parties, I’m spending money and vacation days on diaper cakes and pacifiers to use as a bow on a gift. It’s a weird transition. These baby showers usually involve more food, and less champagne than the wedding showers. They turn into Mommy vs. Not a Mommy parties. The Mommy girls all talking about how wonderful having a baby is, and how they really don’t even remember what life was like before Junior came along. The Single/No kids girls furiously texting other single/no kids friends about the stories we have to hear and planning our escape. I keep hearing this phrase “I don’t know what we did before baby” come out of every one of my mommy friends’ mouths. Yes you do. You took Jaeger Bombs until three in the morning, and then got into a raging fight with your boyfriend (now husband) outside the bar.  Uttering this phrase to your single friends is just as ugly as them saying, “Ugh I don’t know how you deal with that drunk midget all day.” Saying you don’t remember life before baby is saying the time you all spent being fun and single together isn’t that important. It was important. It is important. It shaped the women we are today.

With that said, it’s a little crazy to envision all of your single friends living the same lifestyle we all lived when we were 25. Just because your gal pals aren’t married with kids does not mean they are out clubbing all night and bedding handsome men every weekend. The single/married with no kids gals probably do have a little more fun, but they are also working to support themselves completely. So blowing off a little steam every now and again can’t hurt! For me personally, I have a greater need to succeed at business and at life because I am not married with kids. The older women get without being married tends to garner an insane reaction from older generations, “Well what do you do all day?” Well I work a 9-10 hour day, I work out for an hour, I cook myself dinner (if I’m being honest, sometimes all I can handle is popcorn), I volunteer most weekends and I manage to keep in touch with friends and find time to even hang out with them! My mommy friends probably feel the same kind of reaction when someone asks them, “Well what do you do all day?” Cook, work, clean, make sure this kid doesn’t jump off the roof, teach him new things, potty-train, take him places, and try to not have a meltdown on the third trip to Target (because single or not, who can get all they need in just ONE trip to Target??) We all have busy lives, but the way we fill our days might be different. That doesn’t make any one person more busy or tired than the next.

With all of this said, I really think we can all co-exist. It just takes more effort than it did a few years ago. Single gals have to make the effort too. You have to make sure not to miss those important birthday parties, and christenings, and baby showers. You have to be ok with offering to change the diapers while your friend takes a real shower. I have some mommy friends that promise we’ll get together soon, but I know that won’t happen, and that’s ok. But some of my mommy friends are really making a good effort. Recently, one of my oldest friends (and mother to an 18 month old) came for a weekend visit in the Big Easy. It was so, so nice to really catch up with her just the two of us. I know she missed her little one, but I think it was probably good for her to get away as well. I was stressed from work and watching my beloved grandmother get sicker, and just desperately needed my best friend to come play. We all need breaks. I don’t pretend to know what it’s like with a drunk midget running around my house, just as I don’t expect them to know what living my life is like. I hope you don’t think this is a poor-me single gal blog. I love my life! I honestly can’t imagine myself living the life that some of my friends live, because this is the exact life I’m supposed to be living. I love that my friends with kids are so happy to have sweet little blessings in their lives. But I think any 30 year old gal can relate to the shift in lifestyles that happens around our age. I think what makes us stand apart from the rest is how we handle it. I hope you are learning to handle it with grace, because I know the urge to want to brat out when your friend cancels dinner for the third time. I think having respect for any decision our friends make can go a long way. Whether they decide to forgo having kids, or want to have 8, that’s their decision. Support them, and love them. And Lord knows, if they have 8, they might need your help in teaching those rugrats how to mind their manners ;) With all that said, I’m off to go price a trip to the Virgin Islands. Why? Because I can, and I don’t have to ask one person for permission. Cheers!