Happy Thanksgiving

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is already upon us!

I hope that all of you remember to truly be thankful this year. I know that times with family can get a little overwhelming. Trust me, I KNOW. There's always Crazy Aunt Linda who knows everything better than everyone at every table. I usually take a sip every time she opens her loud mouth. Grandma might forget that you're even coming over. Take another sip. And Dad, well, Dad's been snoring in the recliner all day. Maybe he's had too many sips!

Remember that these crazy coots are your family, and crazy family is better than no family. It's only one day. Remember to mind your manners, respect your elders, and try to watch your alcohol intake. Notice I said try. I'm not making any promises either. 

Try and remember how blessed we are to be able to celebrate this Holiday. We can eat as much as we can possibly eat, drink as much as we want, watch football, and even get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go buy more shit we don't need. 

And have fun! Grandpa might be a little off his rocker, but I'll bet he's got some fun stories to tell. After dinner is over, grab some girlfriends and go have a glass (or four) of wine together. Enjoy your friends and family.

See y'all next week! 

Happy Election Day

Good Morning and Happy Election Day!

I hope y'all are exercising your right to get out and vote today. I am fortunate to live in a state that has early voting, so I took advantage of that two weeks ago! Please don't let long lines keep you from doing something so important. So many people fought for the right of all people to vote, so just remember that when you are annoyed with a long line. We are so fortunate to be able to choose our leaders instead of them appointing themselves. We are also fortunate in that we don't always have to agree with our leaders. So keep that in mind when/if this process seems to become overwhelming. I am also of the opinion that if you don't get out and vote, then you don't get to bitch about politics!

I also hope that y'all are being respectful today. There is truly nothing more annoying than someone shoving their opinions down your throat. So please remember that different opinions are what make the world go round. And your opinion isn't always the best. And that's okay. Don't argue with people of different political opinions than yourself. Don't post 100 doomsday scenarios that you think will happen if the other candidate wins. I can assure you that the world will not end if your candidate doesn't win. If the world does in fact end, it will be because of a much higher power than politics. Like I've said before, if we would all mind our manners, the world would be a much friendlier place. So be nice and go vote! 

Out of Office

Happy Monday my darlings!

I hope you gals and guys were semi-behaved this crazy Halloween weekend! I will be leaving bright and early on Wednesday (like, before dawn. Ugh) for Puerto Rico!! I'll be thinking of y'all whilst lounging here:

In my absence, I hope all you East Coasters stay safe, dry, and warm during Hurricane Sandy! Enjoy some tips and suggestions from last month when we experienced Hurricane Isaac 

Also- while I am away, Alabama will be playing LSU in a highly touted night game down in Death Valley. Tensions are high, and bad manners are sure to happen. Mix this with the upcoming Election, and this weekend might go down as the rudest weekend we've seen in years, y'all. Stay calm, don't drink too much, and mind your manners! Here are some refresher tips on how to deal with how Social Media + Politics + Football = Disaster

See y'all next week! I'll drink some rum for ya :)

Why I Will Only Kind-of Mind My Manners This Weekend

Happy Thursday everyone!

Some events in our lives call for extra amount of crazy. Sometimes you just need to kick those manners out of the way, and act like a fool. This is one of those weekends. My beloved Crimson Tide will be playing the Tennessee Volunteers. If you know anything about SEC Football, you'll note that Alabama has to hate Auburn, but we choose to hate Tennessee. I have nothing nice to say about Tennessee, and I will probably call you an ugly name if I see you wearing that dreadful orange that is not even found on the color wheel, on this, the holiest of football weeks: Tennessee Hate Week.

This guy perfectly captures the hate:

Unfortunately for me, I will not be watching the game in the comfort of my favorite dive bar in the Warehouse District. I will be attending a wedding. STOP PLANNING WEDDINGS DURING FOOTBALL SEASON!!!! So I will have to mind some manners. But rest assured, that I will find a television to check on the game. While I do not condone whipping out your cellular during a wedding ceremony, there is one exception- to quickly check the score of the game. The Bride asked for it when she planned her wedding on the third Saturday of October. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for that. So here are a few rules for keeping up with a ball game during a wedding:

Try to be discreet while score-checking in the Church. Obviously you shouldn't yell out "Son of a B$%*@" when the score is not to your liking. Remember that you're in the Lord's house, and it is just super inappropriate. 

Make a few quick rounds when you get to the Reception. Don't immediately grab a plate of chicken fingers and head towards the TV. Say hello the the family of the bride and groom and maybe even sneak in a "This day could not be more perfect" for bonus points. 

Take breaks from the game. Walk around the reception during time-outs and halftime. Dance with Grandma. Pop in a few pictures. Grab some cake! Just make yourself seen so that it's not completely obvious that you've been in the kitchen hovering over the TV like a mad man.

Share the score updates with other guests who might not be able to get away. 

And last but not least, don't act like a drunken fool should your team win/lose. Have a mini-celebration. High-five your fellow game watchers. And then get out there and be the best damn wedding guest you can.

I've done it before, and I'll do it again this weekend. I'm not making any promises, but I'm at least going to try and mind my manners this weekend, and you should too ;)

Office Space

Hello dear readers! I apologize for my absence, but this work thing just keeps taking up so much time. The nerve! Last week I celebrated a year with my firm, and I was treated to stolen lunches and the freaking plague. I do love my firm, love what I do, and I really love my fellow employees. But the bad manners have really been showing as of late.

Last week I noticed lots of sniffling, coughing, and general snottiness. Cold and flu season is here, y’all. Every place I have ever worked, I have always wondered the same thing… Why in the hell do you come into work when you are sick and contagious?! People that have kids will notice that day cares and schools do not allow children to stay if they have a fever to prevent the spread of that nastiness. Why isn’t that the same for the workplace? Employers give us sick days for just that reason. Now I understand saving up your sick days for the Monday after a Saints win (A girl can dream, right?). But, sick days are really meant to be used when SICK. Last week, a co-worker called in on Monday to say that she was sick and probably contagious, and she was going to see the doctor. Well around noon, here she comes. She couldn’t get a doctor’s appointment, so she decided to come on in. Oh thanks! Thanks for thinking of all of us! I know you wanted to save your sick days, so feel free to come in and infect me so I can use mine. Amiright? In the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” (http://youtu.be/udS-OcNtSWo) Please be considerate of others during cold and flu season. Cover your mouth, wash your hands, and for the love of Vitamin C, please stay home and rest if you have a fever. You’ll feel better, and your co-workers will be so appreciative.

Also in the past few weeks, I’ve had the misfortune of having my lunch stolen not once… but twice! Can you believe it? As is the case in most offices, each floor of our firm has a shared refrigerator. You know the drill, put your name and the date on your food, and it should be there when you’re hungry, right? Wrong. Last Monday I was excited to put my homemade pimento cheese sandwich right in my belly. Unfortunately someone else had the same idea, and I found the container in the trash. The horror! A few days later I decided to go cash in that delicious Dannon yogurt I had brought for breakfast. Again, gone. This really shouldn’t have to be said, but do not take food that is not yours. I am not yet the millionaire I strive to be, so to save a few bucks I bring my lunch. It helps me stick to a healthy food plan, and I’m not spending $10-$15 a day on food. Now all of my lunches will have threats of death on them. Some may see this as extreme, I see it as necessary. I will cut you if you touch this English Muffin. Don’t try me.

So the lesson today is to treat your work family the same you would treat your friends and family. Use common sense, and show some respect. Happy, healthy workplaces are created on mutual respect. A good way to do this? Mind your manners of course! I’m sure these aren’t the only offenses you might have seen in the work place, so feel free to send me any other examples of bad work behavior.

Let's Truly Honor the Fallen- 9/11

Today all Americans are remembering where we were on 9/11/2001. A lot of people are posting pictures of the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania where we lost so many Americans. A lot of people are "remembering" and "praying" for the victims and their families, the first responders, our soldiers, and our leaders. I certainly remember what I was doing, and it makes my stomach hurt remembering the emotions of that day.

But I think we should all act in honor of them today. Don't just claim to remember them. Act kindly, smile at a stranger, tell someone close that you love them. And not just for today. Make it a point to be a more positive person every day. Even if it just starts with an extra smile a day. Quit arguing over politics and religion or who is the better friend. Do you really think that will all matter when it's all said and done? Remember that no one is perfect, but we could all strive to be a little nicer every day. I think you'll even find that it's easier to mind your manners when you are a nice person.

Insert slow clap..... USA! USA! USA!

Hurricane Isaac

Hello my darlings! I hope you don't think I've forgotten about all of you and your quest for good manners. We had an uninvited house guest by the name of Hurricane Isaac stay waaaay past his welcome. I hope any readers in Louisiana/Mississippi/Alabama are safe and sound and dry! I still don't have power after three days, so I'm thinking a nice hotel room in the French Quarter will have to do this weekend! After all, Southern Decadence Festival is this weekend, and the country's most fabulous drag queens will be descending upon our fair city. I think I deserve some dancing and decadence ;)

First of all, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to the NOPD, NOFD, our city leaders, nurses, doctors, power workers, reporters, meteorologists, National Guardsmen, and all of the wonderful folks of Louisiana that came together to not only get ready for this storm, but immediately got to work after the storm. These folks kept our beloved city and state safe. We were all well informed, and stayed that way during the storm. A lot of people scoffed that this was only a Category 1 Hurricane. Not Governor Jindal and Mayor Landrieu. They immediately got to work, and I think this saved a lot of lives. A lot of people lost everything, and it will take years to rebuild certain parts of the state. But we've done it before and we'll do it again. I think the citizens of our great state got to work immediately as well, and did exactly what was asked of them. Since the storm, I've seen great examples of neighbors helping neighbors, and I know that will continue in the weeks and months to come. 

I ask you guys to keep the people of the Gulf Coast in your prayers. There are a lot of misplaced folks, with a long road of recovery ahead. If you feel the need to volunteer or donate, The Red Cross can assist you with that. I love this city and I hope you do too. I can't imagine living anywhere else in the world!

Now of course I have some Hurricane Manners for you guys! You aren't getting off the hook that easily! First off- if you have the chance to stock up on booze, do it! Don't wait on all your friends to buy out the Abita stash at Rouses. Every man for himself. You might be facing three or more days without power. What else are you gonna do? Drink. Now don't be silly and forget to get that pallet of water and an extra bag of ice. It wouldn't be polite to be begging your neighbors for these essential items when the clouds clear and the power's still not on. Trust me, it gets hot when the storm rolls out of town. 

Also, I know that feeling of just needing to get out of the house! But sometimes it's just not safe to joyride and look at all the damage. You are only getting in the way of the police officers and first responders who are trying to get to people in need. Plus, there are branches everywhere and the possibility of downed power lines. That is more trouble that you need to find. If you see standing water, do not drive through it! There could be a giant manhole underneath and you are just being a nuisance. When you cause a wake, it pushes the water into people's homes and businesses. As I kept hearing on my handy-dandy weather radio all week, "Turn Around, Don't Drown!"

I shouldn't have to say this, but don't loot. As Mayor Landrieu says, "If you loot, you get a new orange suit."

Make sure you bring in your plants and yard furniture. Always, always check on your neighbors. And please make sure you take care of your pets. They can't just take themselves to a shelter when the storms coming. You are the shelter! And if you've got a generator, share with your neighbors! Those things are so loud, but I'm guessing an offer to charge up a cell phone will keep your neighbor from complaining. 

Be careful out there guys! Heed the warnings! And if you are asked to evacuate, then by all means evacuate! If not, stock up on supplies, have a little hurricane fun and mind your manners!

"Is dis 4 reel?” More Social Media Fun

I received an email from my dear friend The Mama (She is amazing and hilarious, and provides me with tons of reasons to take my birth control regularly. Check out her blog http://naptimechronicles.blogspot.com/). She, like so many of us, is overwhelmed by the lack of manners in the Social Media world. Her top concerns were TMI posts on Facebook and Twitter, professional emailing, and how it’s appropriate to share family news.

We’ll start with the oversharing epidemic sweeping social media websites. Break ups happen. Divorces happen. Pregnancies happen. Baby Daddy’s don’t pay da bills on time. It happens. You know where all that drama belongs? IN PRIVATE. Now I have to admit that I am guilty of sitting back and watching a good break up happen on Facebook. I blame it on this whole “working” thing I have to do, and not being able to watch daytime TV. These can be hilarious to watch. However, I imagine they’re a bit painful and embarrassing for the family and friends that are involved. Every family has their share of secrets and drama. But those things belong behind closed doors. If you need to talk to someone about these problems, then find a good friend or even consider talking to your priest or a therapist. Broadcasting your problems for the world to see will only bring more drama into your life. If a friend or family member is guilty of this, talk to them in private and explain how these posts are hurtful and embarrassing. I have a Facebook “friend” who is mad at her boyfriend one day and calls him some amazingly horrible names, and then the next day they are in looooove so Eff all tha haters y’all! Really? If your life is this dramatic, then people are going become apathetic towards your problems, and tend to see you more as a nuisance rather than a friend in need. Instead of listing every terrible thing that happened at work, start listing one thing a day that you are thankful for, and I think you’ll start to see things from a more positive perspective. Do you have food on the table? Warm clothes to wear? People that love you? Well then, I think you are doing all right! 

The same goes for oversharing the good things too. I imagine that having a baby is the most wonderful love one will ever experience in the world. It’s an exciting time to be adding to your little family. But post with caution. For instance, I’ve seen posts things like “I don’t even remember what life was like before Junior!” or “I can’t believe I used to think going out with my girlfriends was fun! Staying in with little Petunia is the best Friday night ever!” Gag. You totally remember what life was like. You slept in, you didn’t have to pack up diapers just to go grocery shopping, and you might have stayed up all night drinking with your friends without worrying about how you’d feel tomorrow. As a parent, you should appreciate the wonderful gift you have, but don’t completely lose yourself in the process. There’s a fun lady in there! Also, you never know who might be dying to have a child and can’t, and has to read your asshole posts everyday about how you’ve never felt as beautiful as you are nine months pregnant. Embrace your pregnancy, have fun with it, be proud of the moment when your beautiful child laughs for the first time! And please do share with the rest of us! Just be careful not to over-do it. Need more examples of Crazy Mommies? Check out http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/. This woman deserves a medal.

Another Facebook Fail? Announcing Uncle Bobby died before you’ve contacted the family. Is that really how you want your family members to find out about an illness or death in the family? It’s very insensitive, and I’ve seen it happen a couple of times. Same goes for texts. Don’t text your mom to say you just found Aunt Carol dead. CALL HER. I received a text from my dear brother simply stating, “Just collided with an 18-wheeler. I’m fine. Call you later.” Oh hell no! You call your sister when that happens. Do you think that text held me over until he called? And he got a stern talking to when I finally got his butt on the phone. News like that is best shared via a phone call or a face to face conversation. I had a fun little fall where I broke my leg in three places and got to spend 5 drugged up days in the hospital. (Don’t worry dear reader, I’ll share this exciting story soon.) Do you think I texted my mother this information? And risk getting another broken bone from her? Heck no. If you have a family member who insists on sharing bad news the wrong way, you might bring it up the next time you are face to face. No need to be accusatory. Just politely state that you’d rather talk about family issues instead of posting and texting about them. The guilty party may not even realize that it’s bothersome. 

Last topic: Text speaking in professional emails. Stop it right now. You know what I’m talking about. Now, I’m not talking about emails between friends or G-chat. I’m guilty of throwing a “brb” into the chat window. But I’m not chatting with my boss, or my banker, or even a prospective volunteer. Emails with people that you do not share a close personal relationship with should never include a smiley face, a brb, a 4 in place of for, or a TTYL. Example:

Dear Boss Man,

I have those contracts ready 4 u 2 sign.

Holla,

L-Chap Dog

My boss would crap his pants. I attribute this kind of talking and typing to the amount of time we spend on computers as opposed to ten years ago. They are a part of our everyday lives, and we are all crunched for time and looking for easy ways to get things done. It honestly takes me more time to tYpe ~LikE~ a 12~YeAr Old :))) than it does to just type normal. Call me crazy. My 13 year old cousin texts me like this, but she’s 13, and she digs Bieber, soooo she’s excused. But you aren’t! When in doubt, act like this is the most important email of your life, and write like a professional should.

Like my dear friend The Mama says, manners/etiquette don't go out the window just because it's on the web! She could not be more right. I hope this was helpful! As always, feel free to let me know if there’s a topic you would like to discuss, or if you have any questions. The world is a much nicer place to be in when there are good attitudes and good manners. So think twice before you post or email, and remember to mind your manners, y’all!

Social Media + Politics + Football = Disaster

Ahhh, Facebook… Twitter… Pinterest… What did we do all day before discovering these little ditties. Oh yeah, we worked! We also didn’t know that that floozy from high school totally got married before we did, and did you know Mary Ellen had another baby? I saw it on Facebook!

The power of social media. When used correctly, it can be a lot of fun. You can post pictures of all your friends celebrating birthdays, you can tell the world that you Vote Republican and Junior pooped in the potty!!! Wait… what? That’s calling oversharing, folks. And we’re all guilty of it thanks to living in a world where we’re told our every opinion matters.

Don’t like your Governor? Guess what, tweeting about it 50 times a day will do nothing to get him out of office. It will probably get you hidden or un-followed. How amazing is that “Hide from my Newsfeed” option?! Bravo Facebook! Now let’s work on getting that dislike button…  One of the most wonderful things about this world is that each and every one of us is different. How boring would life be if we all looked and thought exactly the same way? Keep this in mind while scrolling through your Facebook feed. Just because Donnie Democrat posted a video or a news article that you don’t agree with, doesn’t mean you need to immediately launch into a verbal attack on how dumb his opinions are in the comment section. That is one of the most obnoxious things in the world. You are not going to change someone’s opinion by arguing with them. Remember the whole Chick-fil-a debacle? You want to know what that accomplished? Jackshit. If you don’t support gay marriage, fine. If you do, then just politely stay away from that fast food joint. It’s fucking fried chicken people! You know where I got my fried chicken that week? Popeyes. You know who they support? The Saints. Who dat. 

The same goes for rival college football teams. Here in the South, it is big business to know who cheers for what team. I hate Auburn football with a passion, but I definitely do not make it my business to post “YOU SUCK” on every Auburn fan’s status during football season. It’s stupid. Get a life. If you feel that you cannot restrain yourself from talking smack, then stay away from social media on game days. Cheer for your team, celebrate big wins! And refrain from relishing in other team’s losses… at least in public. You can gloat all you want in your house. But remember, you didn’t win that game. You sat on your ass eating cheese dip and Guthrie’s chicken fingers. The only boys who get to gloat are dressed in pads, and Coach Saban only gives them 24 hours before it’s time to get over it and focus on next week.

Don’t even get me started on people who claim their football team is “classier” than that other football team. Give me a break. There is nothing classy about SEC Football. It’s a bunch of big dudes knocking the shit out of each other, while we all chug bourbon and cheer in the stands. If you want “class,” got check out a Regatta at the Yacht Club and sip brandy with Buffy.

So try and treat Social Media much like a dinner party- all topics can be fun, but leave politics and religion out of it. If your Uncle Bobby is running for Mayor, then by all means, post some reminders to go vote for Uncle Bobby!  And if there is an issue coming up for vote that you just feel absolutely passionate about, and you feel like you need to share, just remember that not everyone shares your opinion. And that’s ok. Don’t argue with them, and don’t call them dumb for disagreeing with you.

Now go make Facebook and Twitter fun again! Post funny pictures, and tell funny stories! Just remember to think twice before commenting on someone else’s post, and remember to mind your manners!

Do or Don't? Wearing White to a Wedding

DON'T

I have attended several weddings over the past few months, and I have noticed several ladies wearing white dresses- and they weren't the bride. The bride should be the only one wearing white on her wedding day. Plain & simple.

"But what about this little cream number I have?" Slap yourself. No ma'am. Put it away. 

"But it's summer! And Vogue says White is the hot new color!" Stop it. You know better than that. 

"What about white shoes?" Gross. Don't even get me started on those. 

The same goes for anything remotely see-through, back-less, crotch-less, etc. For the few white dresses I've seen, I've seen tons of adorable, bright cocktail dresses- so I know they're out there! Have fun with it, and try a new color you've never worn before. 

And always mind your manners at weddings! Well, at least until they lower the lights and turn up the band ;) 

 

Are Thank You Notes Really That Important?

I have heard a number of my friends mentioning the lack of thank you notes these days, and I myself have noticed the absence of them after sending shower/wedding/baby gifts over the last year. I know we were all raised by good Southern women who would just die if they thought we weren’t sending thank you notes! When my brother and I were younger, my mother would type out a thank you note for us with blanks for who they were to, and what we were thanking them for. And then we would sit down the day after Christmas or our Birthday, and fill them in to be sent out. Were they cheesy? Absolutely. But our family & friends got a kick out of those, and we now have the idea of thank you notes hammered into our thick little heads.

What is a thank you note? It’s a quick note on cute stationary (even Walmart carries cute thank you notes now days) thanking the gift giver for their thoughtful gift and telling them how much you appreciate it. Now, we’ve all received some ugly sweaters from Great Aunt Linda in the past for Christmas. Do those warrant a thank you note? You bet your sweet ass they do. And to really get her tickled, take a picture of yourself in said ugly sweater and slip it in with the thank you note. 

How do I send this thank you note, you ask? In the mail! You know, the Post Office? You take yourself to the Walmarts, get yourself a 12 pack of those cute little Thank-You’s (in the stationary aisle, next to the wrapping paper), write a sweet note, address it, stamp it, drop it in the box. Boom! You’re done! And the receiver of the note will be tickled to not only receive a hand-written note, but they will appreciate that you took the time to thank them for a gift they worked hard to pick out for you.

When is it appropriate to send a thank you note, you ask? Anytime! Here is a list of times to always send a note:

- Birthday/Wedding/Shower/Christmas Gift- It doesn’t matter if you’ve been best friends with the gift giver for twenty years, always send a thank you.

- Visiting a friend/family member/your sweetie’s parents- Chances are, your host has cleaned the house and put fresh linens out for your stay. If you’re lucky, you have friends like mine that stock the guest room with booze and snacks! While you should always bring a host gift and be on your best behavior all weekend (I’ll let you decide your own definition of “good behavior.” For me, it’s not dancing on the coffee table before noon thank you very much), it is nice to send the thank you after you’ve returned home.

- Job Interviews- You all know how busy work can get, so imagine if you had to stop everything to interview the boss’s daughter for a position we all know she will run into the ground. Interviewers are taking time out of their day to give you a chance at employment. When you are finished with the interview, kindly ask them for their business card. The MINUTE you get home, take 5 minutes and write a quick note thanking them for their time. I had an employer that had my thank you note hanging on his wall for almost a year. They will think so highly of you for this, plus it keeps your name in their mind while they are considering all the candidates.

- Your neighbor checked on Willie the Cat while you were on vacation. Send her a note and tell her that Willie loved her so much that he now has her picture hanging next to his litter box- not really, but you get the point.

Need an example?

Dear Aunt Linda,

Thank you so much for the beautiful Christmas sweater from Sears. I love it! I can’t wait to wear it to the Country Club Christmas party, and I know that I won’t remain dateless for long in that gorgeous sweater! You are so sweet to think of me.

Love, Lindsay

See, it’s simple. I hope this helps! When in doubt, just send a thank you card anyway! Now go put on your Sunday best, take yourself to the Walmarts, get yourself some of that fancy cardstock, and get to writing! Your friends and family will love it! And as always, mind your manners!

Put That Phone Away!

Now I am the first to admit that I feel so lost and alone in this world when I don’t have my Crackberry. I launched mine into a toilet last weekend (hey, I never claimed to be classy), and was completely distraught. No cocktail could soothe my pain. As I lay awake that night with my phone in pieces drying out by the fan, I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would be like if we had to part ways. But y’all, this has gotten out of control. People are walking face first into telephone poles because they can’t pull their head out of that phone! Telephone poles! Do y’all remember those being a problem 10 years ago? I don’t. I learned as a small child how to avoid them, and I wasn’t even a Mensa candidate.

I recently had dinner at Emeril’s Delmonico (if you don’t know about this place, you betta axe somebody) with some girlfriends to celebrate a 30^th Birthday. Now I know New Orleans has a relaxed atmosphere, but one should still exercise good manners and taste at a nice restaurant. What I noticed when I walked in were those damn phones! People had the nerve to text/tweet/talk at. the. table! When I’m paying $45 for a steak, the last thing I want to hear is the lady at the next table talking to mama and dem about her day.

Please put the phones away at dinner. Not only is it rude to ignore the wait staff when they are trying their best to please you, but it prevents other tables from enjoying their dining experience. Emergencies will happen, and should you receive an urgent call, please excuse yourself from the table and step outside to take the call.

The same goes for waiting in line at Saks, Subway, or the Saints game. Put the phone down. The people around you do not need to hear about that skank Sally and her philandering ways.

Hope this little tidbit helps! Now go into the wild and tweet away! And text me the Saints score if I’m stuck in an exceptionally long Sunday mass. Just remember to mind your manners!